Monday, 11 January 2010
New Year's Resolution: 11 days in.
I decided to stop smoking on the 31st of December 2009. From smoking a packet of 20 a day to zero has been a struggle: I have had to throw everything in the house away that could possible be used to light a cig. The problem with that approach is that since I live on a plot, subject to the vagaries of summer thunderstorms and ESCOM supply, i am buggered when the power goes out: I can't light a single candle, or light up the gas bottle to boil a pot of water for tea! I thought to myself, mmm what to do? what to do? how do I light my smokes when i could not find my lighter or a box of matches? Obvious: use the toaster. Only one problem: toaster is electric. shit! fuck! what now? All kinds of devious thoughts run through my mind like a hamster on a treadmill. Only solution: sit and wait...or rather go to sleep, and be shocked awake when the television blares you awake at two in the morning after the ESCOM technicians decide that they can now throw the switches back on!
Friday, 08 January 2010
High School: the next generation
My son starts High School next week. This is a double whammy to my mental image of myself as still being young. Shit - I can remember my first day in High School as if it was yesterday... at boarding school at Dale College in the Eastern Cape. Now my son starts his secondary education... with the matric results coming out last week, I am not particularly confident about his possibilities in the South African educational system. Then again, taking his sheer bone-idleness and obsession with World of Warcraft, I should not bluff myself. The kid worries me!
He told me last week he wants to be one of two things when he 'grows' up:
a) work for Microsoft and design games. (wtf!)
b) become a surgeon. mmmmm. i ask him why a surgeon? He informs me he just spend the school holidays watching 3 seasons of 'Grays Anatomy' and the girls are cool. boy, does he have a surprise coming his way!
He told me last week he wants to be one of two things when he 'grows' up:
a) work for Microsoft and design games. (wtf!)
b) become a surgeon. mmmmm. i ask him why a surgeon? He informs me he just spend the school holidays watching 3 seasons of 'Grays Anatomy' and the girls are cool. boy, does he have a surprise coming his way!
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Only in America
Next time, just stick with the $9 soda.
A Manhattan judge has thrown out an Upper West Side man's lawsuit against a movie theater that sold him a bag of popcorn with an unpopped kernel inside.
Steve Kaplan, 46, said he fractured his tooth when he chomped down on the kernel, causing $1,250 worth of dental damage.
Kaplan popped off to the theater and demanded it pay for his dental work.
"Confounding plaintiff's expectations, defendant refused to pay anything," said Civil Court Judge Matthew Cooper, who denied the claim, finding that Kaplan, an insurance broker, knew the risks when he ordered the snack.
"Anyone who has ever made fresh popcorn in a microwave, in a popcorn popper, or on the stove soon learns the bitter truth that the final product is almost always marred by the presence of unpopped, partially popped or burnt kernels," the judge wrote.
"Until such time as the same bio-engineers who brought us seedless watermelon are able to develop a new strain of popping corn where every kernel is guaranteed to pop, we will just have to accept partially popped popcorn as part and parcel of the popcorn popping process."
Kaplan was attending a late showing of the raunchy teen comedy "Superbad" at the AMC Lincoln Square Cinema on Sept. 17 of last year when he bit into the kernel.
"Approximately, 20 minutes later, he left the theater because his tooth hurt and, he added, because he found 'Superbad' to be a 'terrible' movie," the judge said.
The theater maintained it wasn't to blame for the rogue kernel.
"At trial, the theater's manager explained how a special slotted popcorn scoop was used in the concession stand to eliminate as many unpopped kernels as possible," Cooper wrote.
"The manager testified that, despite these efforts, it was impossible to serve a bag of freshly popped popcorn where all the kernels were fully popped."
Kaplan contended the theater should at least have had a sign warning of the perils of popcorn, but the judge refused to bite.
Cooper did offer some kernels of wisdom.
"So what is the popcorn-craving moviegoer to do to guard against dental damage, short of bringing a flashlight into the theater to inspect each kernel for possible hazards? One thing may be to resist the urge to devour the bag by the handful in favor of more cautious nibbling by the piece," he suggested.
"The other thing may be simply to say no to popcorn, with its tooth-fracturing potential, and settle for something else from the concession stand, like those giant-sized boxes of Raisinets or Milk Duds. But then again, aren't Milk Duds known to pull out your fillings?"
Kaplan declined comment.
A Manhattan judge has thrown out an Upper West Side man's lawsuit against a movie theater that sold him a bag of popcorn with an unpopped kernel inside.
Steve Kaplan, 46, said he fractured his tooth when he chomped down on the kernel, causing $1,250 worth of dental damage.
Kaplan popped off to the theater and demanded it pay for his dental work.
"Confounding plaintiff's expectations, defendant refused to pay anything," said Civil Court Judge Matthew Cooper, who denied the claim, finding that Kaplan, an insurance broker, knew the risks when he ordered the snack.
"Anyone who has ever made fresh popcorn in a microwave, in a popcorn popper, or on the stove soon learns the bitter truth that the final product is almost always marred by the presence of unpopped, partially popped or burnt kernels," the judge wrote.
"Until such time as the same bio-engineers who brought us seedless watermelon are able to develop a new strain of popping corn where every kernel is guaranteed to pop, we will just have to accept partially popped popcorn as part and parcel of the popcorn popping process."
Kaplan was attending a late showing of the raunchy teen comedy "Superbad" at the AMC Lincoln Square Cinema on Sept. 17 of last year when he bit into the kernel.
"Approximately, 20 minutes later, he left the theater because his tooth hurt and, he added, because he found 'Superbad' to be a 'terrible' movie," the judge said.
The theater maintained it wasn't to blame for the rogue kernel.
"At trial, the theater's manager explained how a special slotted popcorn scoop was used in the concession stand to eliminate as many unpopped kernels as possible," Cooper wrote.
"The manager testified that, despite these efforts, it was impossible to serve a bag of freshly popped popcorn where all the kernels were fully popped."
Kaplan contended the theater should at least have had a sign warning of the perils of popcorn, but the judge refused to bite.
Cooper did offer some kernels of wisdom.
"So what is the popcorn-craving moviegoer to do to guard against dental damage, short of bringing a flashlight into the theater to inspect each kernel for possible hazards? One thing may be to resist the urge to devour the bag by the handful in favor of more cautious nibbling by the piece," he suggested.
"The other thing may be simply to say no to popcorn, with its tooth-fracturing potential, and settle for something else from the concession stand, like those giant-sized boxes of Raisinets or Milk Duds. But then again, aren't Milk Duds known to pull out your fillings?"
Kaplan declined comment.
Only in America
Next time, just stick with the $9 soda.
A Manhattan judge has thrown out an Upper West Side man's lawsuit against a movie theater that sold him a bag of popcorn with an unpopped kernel inside.
Steve Kaplan, 46, said he fractured his tooth when he chomped down on the kernel, causing $1,250 worth of dental damage.
Kaplan popped off to the theater and demanded it pay for his dental work.
"Confounding plaintiff's expectations, defendant refused to pay anything," said Civil Court Judge Matthew Cooper, who denied the claim, finding that Kaplan, an insurance broker, knew the risks when he ordered the snack.
"Anyone who has ever made fresh popcorn in a microwave, in a popcorn popper, or on the stove soon learns the bitter truth that the final product is almost always marred by the presence of unpopped, partially popped or burnt kernels," the judge wrote.
"Until such time as the same bio-engineers who brought us seedless watermelon are able to develop a new strain of popping corn where every kernel is guaranteed to pop, we will just have to accept partially popped popcorn as part and parcel of the popcorn popping process."
Kaplan was attending a late showing of the raunchy teen comedy "Superbad" at the AMC Lincoln Square Cinema on Sept. 17 of last year when he bit into the kernel.
"Approximately, 20 minutes later, he left the theater because his tooth hurt and, he added, because he found 'Superbad' to be a 'terrible' movie," the judge said.
The theater maintained it wasn't to blame for the rogue kernel.
"At trial, the theater's manager explained how a special slotted popcorn scoop was used in the concession stand to eliminate as many unpopped kernels as possible," Cooper wrote.
"The manager testified that, despite these efforts, it was impossible to serve a bag of freshly popped popcorn where all the kernels were fully popped."
Kaplan contended the theater should at least have had a sign warning of the perils of popcorn, but the judge refused to bite.
Cooper did offer some kernels of wisdom.
"So what is the popcorn-craving moviegoer to do to guard against dental damage, short of bringing a flashlight into the theater to inspect each kernel for possible hazards? One thing may be to resist the urge to devour the bag by the handful in favor of more cautious nibbling by the piece," he suggested.
"The other thing may be simply to say no to popcorn, with its tooth-fracturing potential, and settle for something else from the concession stand, like those giant-sized boxes of Raisinets or Milk Duds. But then again, aren't Milk Duds known to pull out your fillings?"
Kaplan declined comment.
A Manhattan judge has thrown out an Upper West Side man's lawsuit against a movie theater that sold him a bag of popcorn with an unpopped kernel inside.
Steve Kaplan, 46, said he fractured his tooth when he chomped down on the kernel, causing $1,250 worth of dental damage.
Kaplan popped off to the theater and demanded it pay for his dental work.
"Confounding plaintiff's expectations, defendant refused to pay anything," said Civil Court Judge Matthew Cooper, who denied the claim, finding that Kaplan, an insurance broker, knew the risks when he ordered the snack.
"Anyone who has ever made fresh popcorn in a microwave, in a popcorn popper, or on the stove soon learns the bitter truth that the final product is almost always marred by the presence of unpopped, partially popped or burnt kernels," the judge wrote.
"Until such time as the same bio-engineers who brought us seedless watermelon are able to develop a new strain of popping corn where every kernel is guaranteed to pop, we will just have to accept partially popped popcorn as part and parcel of the popcorn popping process."
Kaplan was attending a late showing of the raunchy teen comedy "Superbad" at the AMC Lincoln Square Cinema on Sept. 17 of last year when he bit into the kernel.
"Approximately, 20 minutes later, he left the theater because his tooth hurt and, he added, because he found 'Superbad' to be a 'terrible' movie," the judge said.
The theater maintained it wasn't to blame for the rogue kernel.
"At trial, the theater's manager explained how a special slotted popcorn scoop was used in the concession stand to eliminate as many unpopped kernels as possible," Cooper wrote.
"The manager testified that, despite these efforts, it was impossible to serve a bag of freshly popped popcorn where all the kernels were fully popped."
Kaplan contended the theater should at least have had a sign warning of the perils of popcorn, but the judge refused to bite.
Cooper did offer some kernels of wisdom.
"So what is the popcorn-craving moviegoer to do to guard against dental damage, short of bringing a flashlight into the theater to inspect each kernel for possible hazards? One thing may be to resist the urge to devour the bag by the handful in favor of more cautious nibbling by the piece," he suggested.
"The other thing may be simply to say no to popcorn, with its tooth-fracturing potential, and settle for something else from the concession stand, like those giant-sized boxes of Raisinets or Milk Duds. But then again, aren't Milk Duds known to pull out your fillings?"
Kaplan declined comment.
Friday, 26 September 2008
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