Shaving and other hairy bits

I was lazy last week. I did not bother to shave for ten days, until the Flea banned me from the bedroom.

Friday night, in the bathroom with one of those horrible expensive new eighty five bucks for a single blade razors, I decided to play. First, I shaved my neck hair off, in a classic beard cut. Nipped out to the kitchen. the Flea just glared at me.
Step two, mutton chop whiskers...clean the chin, trim down to the jawline...back to the kitchen...glare number two. Back to the bathroom.
Shave off the sideburns, and clean up the jawline. A mean Charles Bronson, crossed with a boy from Benoni mustache down past the mouth down to the chin.
Back to the kitchen... "If you think you're getting anything here, forgedaboudit!!'was the Flea's response to my new look.
I went into the lounge. Surely somebody in the house would admire my new,mean look.

My son said: " Dad, you look like a biker!" My ego swelled, "a gay Biker".

I shaved myself clean two minutes later.

Little shit!

Switching Channels

The Flea and I had a rational discussion last night. Which is unusual. What normally passes for rational in our house would pass for insanity in anybody else's home.

She said I regarded the TV remote as an extension of my penis.
"What?" I sat up in my chair, changing channels with my penis extender.

"You think the remote is connected to your dick"

"Absolute crap! The remote is connected to the finger bone, the finger bone's connected to the wrist-bone, the wrist-bones connected to the ...",I sang back at her.

"It is," she argued.

This made me think. Who is the one in the room with his hand on the remote. Who hops from one channel to the next, controlling what the family watches?

Moi!

So, is this a male ego thing? Controlling and dominating the family, with the remote standing in as a physical extension of my reproductive organs?

No. It is a self defense mechanism: If I did not have the damn remote, I would be watching 'Desperate Housewives', 'Sewende Laan' and God knows what else when I could be hopping from one channel to another watching the news, or sport, or GOd help me, the Fashion channel.

The Flea said she is buying a Dual view decoder at the end of the month. I can then play with myself as much as I like, while she watches what she wants to.

I wonder if I should feel insulted or pleased.