To kill or to kotch?

My sister has a filthy habit.

One that I discovered by accident.

She loves cheese and onion flavoured chips. She will open a packet of Willards or Simba chips and scoff the lot at one go.

That is not the habit...practically everybody loves chips, in one flavour or the other.

My sister loves licking the salt and flavouring off each chip. Then she puts the licked chip back into the packet.

I went for a visit last night. Saw an open packet of Cheese and Onion chips on the table.

I was not happy with the oddly tasteless chips. Were they stale? Maybe they one I ate was a dud. Let me try a few more... no all tasteless.

I then became aware that everybody else in the lounge was looking at me with big grins on their faces.

They all knew what she did with the chips. Nobody told me!

Bastards.

C.P.R. - Hamster style

My 12 year old nephew is pissed off with his mother, my oldest sister.

He blames her for the death of his pet hamster last night. It drowned in its water bowl.

I asked my sister why is it her fault? Damn fool thing fell into the bowl and drowned..can't be her fault?

She feels guilty. She told him to take the small water bowl out of the cage as the hamster kept tipping the bowl over and drenching the wood chips in the bowl. She took a large plastic bowl out of the cupboard, and made my nephew fill it up.With Water.To the brim.

Exit hamster.

This morning the former hamster was snatched out of the bowl and shoved in my sister's face.
She put Hammie on his back, and performed Hamster CPR for twenty minutes. The hamster was blown up like a balloon then squished, blown up and squished, to no avail.

Still Dead.

The Hamster murderer as she is now known offered to replace her victim. All she got was a filthy look, and the threat never to be spoken to again.

Kids - don't you just love them?

Cooking vs Takeaways

My baby sister is a busy woman but a lazy cook. She is a project manager who has to check her schedule for a space to allocate ‘mommy time’ to her kids.

Her motto in life :’cooking is for those who can’t afford takeaways’.

I can sort of understand that comment, if the takeaways are edible, and nutritious. I once pushed her wheelie bin outside for the trash collectors, and saw the contents. Six empty pizza boxes, several KFC packets, and loads of Steers takeaway cartons.

Pizza, fried chicken, cheeseburgers and chips. Sound nutritious to you? I love a King Steer burger as much as the next guy, but will be the first to admit they are low on the value chain as far a healthy diet is concerned. Don’t even talk about the crispy taste of Kentucky Fried Chicken,! Just ignore the oil and salt. Pizza, thin crust, double cheese, extra everything. Have a double dose of cholesterol and fat!

So my sister wonders why she has to buy bigger clothes on a regular basis. I told her it is the Vanish she throws in the washing machine… it must shrink her clothes. She should sue. I am still waiting for the penny to drop that despite the incredible shrinking clothes, she has to buy larger and larger outfits.

My baby sister: smart, hardworking, but dumb! You can’t but help love her, even though I sometimes hope she was adopted. Or maybe I was..