Roadsigns for the Married

W.I.F.E.

Through thick and thin.

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?"
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck... get the "F**K" away from me."

My wife is sometime's a man!

My wife,(who I love dearly- yes, she does read this blog now and again)is a normal, feisty redhead with definite opinions on the differences between men and women. I tend to agree with her about most of them except one.

When she gets sick, (especially with flu)she behaves like a man.Or rather, the classical feminine exaggeration of male patients behaviour.

She develops exaggerated symptoms...
a sniffle is pneumonia;
a cough is double pneumonia;
she suddenly speaks in a squeaky "sorry, but I am dying voice";
she refuses to take any medication: 'it came by itself, it can leave by itself';
she behaves like the Dying Swan in Swan Lake...lies on the couch, with remote in hand, barking orders for "tea, or coffee or something to nibble on".

She drives me nuts.

I drink my Med-lemon, go to work and infect everybody else. I wipe my nose and carry on with the job.

Women!!

Winter Blues and Spring Cleaning

I realized one thing this morning. I thank my lucky stars I am not an Eskimo, or a Canadian, American,Swede or any other lost soul living anywhere nearby snow!

I hate cold weather. No, I despise cold weather!

I woke up this morning, in the dark, thanks to another bit of load shedding by Eskom. I had to take a cold shower in the dark. Damn, it was cold. It was so cold I came close to having a sex change! I flat-out refused to shave. Anybody who shaves in cold water is simply not right in the head. After a vigorous bout of screaming and jumping in the shower, I had to find clothes. In the Dark.

The Flea was just a lump under the covers. She did not even twitch, throughout my sex change ordeal. The Bitch! Considering I could not find any matches, the fact that I could not find any candles did not really matter. All I could find was a vanilla incense stick, and that did not help much.

What made my desperate search for clothes worse was that the Flea had decided to do a springclean yesterday. In my cupboard. The socks were gone, my boxers were on another shelf, my shirts...who knows.

By the time I could see what I was wearing, I was halfway to work. It looks like my colourblind granny dressed me. Strange combinations of colours.

Which brings me to my point.

Why do women love spring cleaning? At random times of the year?
The Flea drives me up the wall, with her continual changing of our bedroom. I never know from one week to the next where the bed is going to be, what colour the walls are going to be painted, or where my stuff is.

I can live with the bed being moved, or the new paint job or the new curtain, duvet etc.... but LEAVE my stuff alone. I like knowing where it is!