Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he
sees and asks, What is your IQ? to which the man answers, 241. That
is wonderful!, says Albert. We will talk about the Grand Unification
Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, What is your IQ? to
which the lady answers, 144. That is great!, responds Albert. We can
discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!
Albert goes to another person and asks, What is your IQ? to which the
man answers, 51. Albert responds, How about them, All Blacks?
Tuesday, 24 June 2008
Why is Fishing better than....?
When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good.
If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.
Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish. You don’t have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don’t necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.
Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish. You don’t have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don’t necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
”Who’s he going to tell?”
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ”Are you really going to let him get away with this?”
”No, I guess not,” says God.
The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn’t bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.
Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, ” Why did you let him do that?”
To this God says, ”Who’s he going to tell?”
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ”Are you really going to let him get away with this?”
”No, I guess not,” says God.
The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn’t bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.
Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, ” Why did you let him do that?”
To this God says, ”Who’s he going to tell?”
Windows revised
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned new version of Windows:
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
*Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
*This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
* Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
*User Error: Replace user.
*Windows VirusScan 1.0 - “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
*If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you
and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have
security?
*Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
*Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
*This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
* Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
*User Error: Replace user.
*Windows VirusScan 1.0 - “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
*If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you
and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have
security?
*Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.
Tuesday, 01 April 2008
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