Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Just plain disturbing

New Years Resolution, update

I have successfully made it nineteen days into the New Year without smoking another cigarette.
I did not buy an emergency backup packet, I stopped buying altogether. Aha! You say, suspiciously, that does not mean you didn't stop bumming a smoke! Gotcha!
I look at you with disdain: Nothing, nada, zip - no smokes!

Look, I nearly cracked yesterday. I sat in a never ending meeting yesterday, arguing about the best font to use in a presentation... yes, I know, boring!! As the meeting hand not ended after two hours without a decision being made, I started hallucinating that the skinny blond next to me looked just like a very long Marlboro Menthol.
I seriously considered sneaking out to join the smokers out on the balcony, even if it was just be sneak a few passive second hand inhales.


We eill see how long i can hold out. Giving up smoking is easy: I have done it many times!

Batman & Robin, not!

How do you spell dumb?

With a permanent black marker, according to the police chief of a small Iowa town where two men allegedly used a marker -- instead of a mask or stocking -- to disguise their faces before trying to break into a home.

"They were being dumb and, combine that with alcohol, and it was the perfect storm," Carroll Police Chief Jeff Cayler told CNN.

His officers were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the suspects' vehicle.

Inside, they found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller had described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment last Friday night before driving off.

Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint after officers were told they might be armed. Neither man had a weapon. McNelly and Miller were each charged with attempted second-degree burglary. Both men were released after posting bond.

"We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away," Cayler joked. "I have to assume the officers were kind of laughing at the time. I've never heard of coloring your face with a permanent marker."

Cayler said police believe one of the alleged burglars targeted the home because he suspected his girlfriend had a relationship with the man who lived there.

"They probably were just not thinking straight and figured we'll go out and scare the guy or whatever," Cayler said.

"I've been chief here almost 25 years, been with the department 28½ years and I've seen a lot of things that make me laugh and weird things but this was probably the best combination of the two -- strangely weird and hilariously funny all at the same time."

Thursday, 14 January 2010

WWJD, updated for the revolution

My son went a religious phase a while ago, wore the wristband with the acronym WWJD, and went around checking everything he did after muttering 'What would Jesus DO' evertime he had to make a decision.

I think that the ANCYL should come out with a similar marketing plan, with a wrist band, with the acronym WWJD (what would JULIUS do) in the ANC colours, and hand them out at the entrance to every COSATU and Young Communist League meeting.

Maybe after reflecting on what Julius would do, and doing the exact opposite, our YOUTH (all curiously over the age 0f 30 - what is the cutoff date for adulthood in the ANC I wonder) will be able to stop making total dicks of themselves.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Bye bye Bugs Bunny

Time magazine sometime runs weird articles:

The Swedes may be warm, but they are not warm and fuzzy. This fall, authorities rounded up 3,000 wild rabbits and then burned them for fuel at a heating plant in central Sweden. Bunny-killing is an annual practice in Stockholm — it's used to combat overpopulation in the city's extensive network of parks — but the animals had never been used to heat buildings before this year. "The bodies contain a lot of fat, and fat has exactly the same energy content as normal heating oil," explained Leo Virta, chief executive of Konvex, the company handling the bunny-burning. Supporters said that since the bunnies were going to be culled anyway, using them for fuel was both economical and environmentally friendly. Unsurprisingly, Swedish animal-rights activists were not convinced.

Beyond the call of duty

I just heard of a PA that clearly was very attached to her job...or is maybe just totally fucking nuts.

Her boss was on his way to the airport to catch a business flight. Traffic being what it is, he is running a bit late. He contacts her to confirm the departure times and tells her he is afraid that he may miss the flight.

Miss PA, being the helpful type, calls in a bomb threat to the airline. Her logic being, a bomb scare will create a delay, and Mr Boss will obviously not miss his flight.

Never mind that the authorities can and did trace the bomb threat to her work phone.

Makes you wonder.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010


Something very creepy happened to me this afternoon:

I turned into my father!

or maybe it was a rather a case of me doing a John Edwards, and chanelling the old fart, seeing that he died in 1994.

I caught myself telling my teenage son:

"turn that crap music down! It's way too loud! What the hell are you listening to?"

A cold chill ran down my spine, as soon as I heard that phrase. I heard the same sentence in 1977, when i was listening to my Bad Co LP's. all that was missing was the phrase: it's the devils music!
(LP's, for those of a reduced age, are those funny large black vinyl magodies in your fathers garage that nobody listens to , but no one dares to throw away).

Darwin Awards 2009

The city of Dinant is the backdrop for this rare Double Darwin Award. Two bankrobbers attempting to make a sizeable withdrawal from an ATM died when they overestimated the quantity of dynamite needed for the explosion. The blast demolished the building the bank was housed in. Nobody else was in the building at the time of the attack.

Robber One was rushed to the hospital with severe head trauma; he died shortly after arrival. Investigators initially assumed that his accomplice had managed a getway, but the second bungler's body was excavated from the debris twelve hours later. Would-be Robbers One and Two weren't exactly impoverished--their getaway car was a BMW.

These suckers clearly needed a trip to South Africa first. We have world class ATM bombers, who would only be too glad to share their skills in the hazardous occupation. You kinda feel sorry for these two: a clear case of more bang for your buck?

Monday, 11 January 2010


I always thought this was a cartoon character. Saw this picture on MSNBC. WoW! He apparently overdosed himself drinking colloidal silver. silver?WTF!

New Year's Resolution: 11 days in.

I decided to stop smoking on the 31st of December 2009. From smoking a packet of 20 a day to zero has been a struggle: I have had to throw everything in the house away that could possible be used to light a cig. The problem with that approach is that since I live on a plot, subject to the vagaries of summer thunderstorms and ESCOM supply, i am buggered when the power goes out: I can't light a single candle, or light up the gas bottle to boil a pot of water for tea! I thought to myself, mmm what to do? what to do? how do I light my smokes when i could not find my lighter or a box of matches? Obvious: use the toaster. Only one problem: toaster is electric. shit! fuck! what now? All kinds of devious thoughts run through my mind like a hamster on a treadmill. Only solution: sit and wait...or rather go to sleep, and be shocked awake when the television blares you awake at two in the morning after the ESCOM technicians decide that they can now throw the switches back on!

Friday, 08 January 2010

High School: the next generation

My son starts High School next week. This is a double whammy to my mental image of myself as still being young. Shit - I can remember my first day in High School as if it was yesterday... at boarding school at Dale College in the Eastern Cape. Now my son starts his secondary education... with the matric results coming out last week, I am not particularly confident about his possibilities in the South African educational system. Then again, taking his sheer bone-idleness and obsession with World of Warcraft, I should not bluff myself. The kid worries me!
He told me last week he wants to be one of two things when he 'grows' up:

a) work for Microsoft and design games. (wtf!)
b) become a surgeon. mmmmm. i ask him why a surgeon? He informs me he just spend the school holidays watching 3 seasons of 'Grays Anatomy' and the girls are cool. boy, does he have a surprise coming his way!