Lost-in-Jozi: cats

Here is a list of 25 things that cat-lovers know, but won't admit.

- An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

- Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

- Dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.

- Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

- A cat's motto is no matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

- A cat bites the hand that won't feed it fast enough.

- Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

- Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

- Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

- Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

- Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

- Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.

- Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

- Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

- I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.

- I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

- In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.

- On the Internet, nobody knows you're a cat.

- One cat just leads to another.

- People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

- Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. It's all true, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

- There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

- When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue.

- You can always tell a cat, but you can't tell him much.