Why is Fishing better than....?

When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good.
If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.

Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.

In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.

You can catch and release a fish. You don’t have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

You don’t necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.

You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.

Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

Winter Blues and Spring Cleaning

I realized one thing this morning. I thank my lucky stars I am not an Eskimo, or a Canadian, American,Swede or any other lost soul living anywhere nearby snow!

I hate cold weather. No, I despise cold weather!

I woke up this morning, in the dark, thanks to another bit of load shedding by Eskom. I had to take a cold shower in the dark. Damn, it was cold. It was so cold I came close to having a sex change! I flat-out refused to shave. Anybody who shaves in cold water is simply not right in the head. After a vigorous bout of screaming and jumping in the shower, I had to find clothes. In the Dark.

The Flea was just a lump under the covers. She did not even twitch, throughout my sex change ordeal. The Bitch! Considering I could not find any matches, the fact that I could not find any candles did not really matter. All I could find was a vanilla incense stick, and that did not help much.

What made my desperate search for clothes worse was that the Flea had decided to do a springclean yesterday. In my cupboard. The socks were gone, my boxers were on another shelf, my shirts...who knows.

By the time I could see what I was wearing, I was halfway to work. It looks like my colourblind granny dressed me. Strange combinations of colours.

Which brings me to my point.

Why do women love spring cleaning? At random times of the year?
The Flea drives me up the wall, with her continual changing of our bedroom. I never know from one week to the next where the bed is going to be, what colour the walls are going to be painted, or where my stuff is.

I can live with the bed being moved, or the new paint job or the new curtain, duvet etc.... but LEAVE my stuff alone. I like knowing where it is!

Questions you don't answer.

As any married man can confirm, there are a few pearls of wisdom that we can give to our unmarried male friends.

Rule no 1: Do not ever answer the following question-

"honey, do these jeans make me look fat?"

If you say yes, you are SCREWED. Move straight to the doghouse, do not pass go, do not collect R200. If you say no, and her arse looks like two pigs fighting in a hessian sack, you are SCREWED. Move straight to the doghouse, etc,etc. (you know she knows she has a fat arse...what are you trying to prove?)You must avoid at all costs telling her that it's not the jeans making her look fat, it is her fat making her look fat!

Rule no 2: This question usually winds up with you getting married or in splitsville.(take your pick)

"Honey, where is this relationship going?"

Going? You did not know relationships went anywhere except to bed? Answer this at your peril.
Take a deep breath, step back from the TV and your beer and focus very clearly here. Your entire bachelorhood stands at risk here, so a careful, well considered "I dunno, " is not going to do the trick.
Let her speak first and take your cue from her. If she talks about the next level and you haven't hit the sack yet, rejoice, young man, rejoice. Your luck is in.

If you have been sleeping with your partner, and she starts asking this question, one of two things needs to happen.

a) run like hell, if you value your bachelorhood; or

b)surrender gracefully, you are heading for a church very soon.