As any married man can confirm, there are a few pearls of wisdom that we can give to our unmarried male friends.
Rule no 1: Do not ever answer the following question-
"honey, do these jeans make me look fat?"
If you say yes, you are SCREWED. Move straight to the doghouse, do not pass go, do not collect R200. If you say no, and her arse looks like two pigs fighting in a hessian sack, you are SCREWED. Move straight to the doghouse, etc,etc. (you know she knows she has a fat arse...what are you trying to prove?)You must avoid at all costs telling her that it's not the jeans making her look fat, it is her fat making her look fat!
Rule no 2: This question usually winds up with you getting married or in splitsville.(take your pick)
"Honey, where is this relationship going?"
Going? You did not know relationships went anywhere except to bed? Answer this at your peril.
Take a deep breath, step back from the TV and your beer and focus very clearly here. Your entire bachelorhood stands at risk here, so a careful, well considered "I dunno, " is not going to do the trick.
Let her speak first and take your cue from her. If she talks about the next level and you haven't hit the sack yet, rejoice, young man, rejoice. Your luck is in.
If you have been sleeping with your partner, and she starts asking this question, one of two things needs to happen.
a) run like hell, if you value your bachelorhood; or
b)surrender gracefully, you are heading for a church very soon.
4 comments:
What happens when it's the man asking the 'where is this relationship going?'
i've had a few of those and I wont lie - it scares the snot out of me...
1. "No, your fat makes you look fat"
2. "You tell me"
I bet you didn't guess I was single huh? ;P
The jean question has many levels and variants though. I've had to start asking "Is this a fat jeans question?" ie. "Is anything I say here going to be the wrong answer?"
Here's the answer to everything boys: Sweetie, you look so good I'm sure you could eat boxes of these (whip out expensive chocolate at this point) and still look as fabulous as you do right now. Trust me, this will get you laid (choccies as aphrodisiac); brownie points for getting her chocolate (it always works); a night of sport when you choose (because of your sensitivity and willingness to give, she'll give right back). You just can't go wrong.
Here's the answer to everything boys: Sweetie, you look so good I'm sure you could eat boxes of these (whip out expensive chocolate at this point) and still look as fabulous as you do right now. Trust me, this will get you laid (choccies as aphrodisiac); brownie points for getting her chocolate (it always works); a night of sport when you choose (because of your sensitivity and willingness to give, she'll give right back). You just can't go wrong.
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