Damned if I do,damned if I don't

My wife is hard on cars. I repeat, my wife is hard on cars. In the past five years I have bought her five cars, so we are looking at an average of a car a year. Statistics, however don’t tell the full story….some cars lasted more than a year, others a few months.

When we started going out, I had a little blue Ford Fiesta. She nagged me into giving her the Fiesta as it was a ”ladies” car…I was relegated to driving a beat-up 1985 1.8 Opel Kadett, which she refused to drive as she kept having breakdowns and getting stuck in dangerous areas. Funny thing is, in the two years I drove the Kadett, I did not get stuck once!

Did I dare make a comment? What do you think?

Getting back to Madame and her driving habits. I was told the one afternoon that some or the other idiot has broken the left hand rearview mirror off with a shopping trolley at the Mayville Mall. I was intelligent enought to say ” what an arsehole” etc, etc…but kept my thoughts to myself. You had to have a very tall shopping trolley and be moving at at least 45km’s per hour to smash the mirror right off. I got the mirror fixed.

My stepson told me a few weeks later that ”Ma reversed down (her brothers)driveway , not looking how close she was to the gate, promptly removing the mirror.

I decided to buy her a new White Fiesta a year later. I paid cash, saying ”Sweetie- here’s your car- all you need to do is pay the insurance.” She did’nt bother to do that. Nine months later, she decided to have a blackout and smash the car headon into some poor student’s wheels. No insurance…I kept my mouth shut. and paid for his repairs.

I then bought her a really cheap yellow Fiat Uno. Which she drove for a week before the engine fell off its mountings. Exit Uno.

Six months ago I got her a navy blue Corsa Light. Two weeks of driving…she brakes for a white car she says slammed its brakes on in front of her..all the other witnesses deny seeing any other car…she spins on the Ben Schoeman, hits a stationery Police Bakkie and some Indian Lady promptly rides up the Corsa’s arse. I said nothing…commiserated with my wife about these idiots in white cars on the freeway, and get another car.

Last week she was driving from a friends house late in the evening and swerved for a drunk black pedestrian

that ran across the road. She hits the pavement, tyre bursts, rim bends, cv damaged, shock stuffed.

I say nothing. I am just glad my wife is not seriously injured.

She wants me to buy a new Picanto. I want to emigrate!