Monday, 03 December 2007
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Rebooting an Airbus -SAA style
I had the misfortune of flying from Durban to Johannesburg last Friday evening on SAA's flight 582, which was delayed from 7:40 pm to take off just before midnight.
Not including the fact that SAA could not be bothered to keep it's stranded passengers informed as to why the plane was delayed:{ "operational reasons" brings falling engines to mind}, when we finally boarded the plane at 11:15pm we sat on the tarmac, not moving. The cabin attendant informed me that they were struggling to clean the toilets sump out...clearly somebody had taken a serious crap on the down flight!
The pilot announced that the aeroplane was very technologically advanced..everything is controlled by computer. These wonderful computers pulled a Windows stunt and were hanging. The pilot said "WE ARE GOING TO REBOOT THE PLANE!" If I was not strapped in, I would have fallen out of my seat laughing! My God! They rebooted the plane:-everything was shut down...no engines, no aircon, no lights...nothing!!
One quick reboot, and we take off ten minutes later!
Who ever heard of a plane being re-booted???
Not including the fact that SAA could not be bothered to keep it's stranded passengers informed as to why the plane was delayed:{ "operational reasons" brings falling engines to mind}, when we finally boarded the plane at 11:15pm we sat on the tarmac, not moving. The cabin attendant informed me that they were struggling to clean the toilets sump out...clearly somebody had taken a serious crap on the down flight!
The pilot announced that the aeroplane was very technologically advanced..everything is controlled by computer. These wonderful computers pulled a Windows stunt and were hanging. The pilot said "WE ARE GOING TO REBOOT THE PLANE!" If I was not strapped in, I would have fallen out of my seat laughing! My God! They rebooted the plane:-everything was shut down...no engines, no aircon, no lights...nothing!!
One quick reboot, and we take off ten minutes later!
Who ever heard of a plane being re-booted???
Friday, 26 October 2007
Witchdoctor
Only in South Africa:
I was listening to John Robbie on the morning show on Radio 702 this morning when I heard a call from the chairman of the Traditional Healers Professional Assocation.
What the hell?
An association for Witchdoctors?
What's next?
National Association for Thieves, Conmen and Drunks?
Oh, yes...I forgot..we have one of those...it's called Parliament.
I was listening to John Robbie on the morning show on Radio 702 this morning when I heard a call from the chairman of the Traditional Healers Professional Assocation.
What the hell?
An association for Witchdoctors?
What's next?
National Association for Thieves, Conmen and Drunks?
Oh, yes...I forgot..we have one of those...it's called Parliament.
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
Friday, 12 October 2007
Bad start to a Friday morning......
On the way to the office this morning, I rear-ended a car.
Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf, poor bastard.
He looked at his dented car and then looked up at me and said "I am not happy"
I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
That's how the fight started...
Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf, poor bastard.
He looked at his dented car and then looked up at me and said "I am not happy"
I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
That's how the fight started...
Monday, 08 October 2007
Idiot of the day
This is too much!!
"I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away."
Some parents should get a licence to have kids.
"I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away."
Some parents should get a licence to have kids.
Do not feed after Midnight
My eleven year old son was given a white mouse/rat last week by his uncle. Cage, food the works. Luckily for me ( or rather my marriage), he lives with my ex-wife so I had no explaining to do to my wife.
He visited me last weekend. When I went to fetch him at his mother's on Friday afternoon he spent a good five minutes giving detailed instructions to his granny as to the care of the rodent.
I dropped him off at five on Sunday afternoon. I chatted with his granny, drinking a cup of coffee. He asked her whether she had taken care of the rat. She said, "damn..He had better go feed the rat and give it water and food..she had forgotton all about it. He gave her a disbelieving stare and charged down the corridor to his room to save his pet. I heard him mumble something then he carried the cage into the lounge.
"Ouma, " he asked, "why is my white rat black?" He was totally confused. There was a black rat/mouse in the cage.
I looked at his granny and laughed. I asked her :"did you feed him after midnight?"
My son looked at me like I was mad. "Daddy, its a mouse, not a Mogwai!!"
I roared with laughter when the white mouse poked it's head out of the cottonwool nest. His granny had bought black mouse to keep the white one company.
God help them if these mice breed!!
He visited me last weekend. When I went to fetch him at his mother's on Friday afternoon he spent a good five minutes giving detailed instructions to his granny as to the care of the rodent.
I dropped him off at five on Sunday afternoon. I chatted with his granny, drinking a cup of coffee. He asked her whether she had taken care of the rat. She said, "damn..He had better go feed the rat and give it water and food..she had forgotton all about it. He gave her a disbelieving stare and charged down the corridor to his room to save his pet. I heard him mumble something then he carried the cage into the lounge.
"Ouma, " he asked, "why is my white rat black?" He was totally confused. There was a black rat/mouse in the cage.
I looked at his granny and laughed. I asked her :"did you feed him after midnight?"
My son looked at me like I was mad. "Daddy, its a mouse, not a Mogwai!!"
I roared with laughter when the white mouse poked it's head out of the cottonwool nest. His granny had bought black mouse to keep the white one company.
God help them if these mice breed!!
Friday, 05 October 2007
Politically correct coffee?
I was in the SABC canteen in Auckland Park this morning, dying for a cup of coffee before a meeting I had driven in for, when I heard something that showed me how far political correctness had taken hold in the SABC.
Four white guys were ordering filter coffee. Three with milk and one black. The guy who wanted black coffee was insistent that the counter assisstant poured him a black coffee.
"Hey, please I want a black coffee!"
"No," said another guy, "don't be a racist, ask for coffee without milk."
"No,"quipped somebody else in the queue,"ask for coffee of colour"
Mass hysteria at this! Now that's what I call taking political correctness to a new height!!
Four white guys were ordering filter coffee. Three with milk and one black. The guy who wanted black coffee was insistent that the counter assisstant poured him a black coffee.
"Hey, please I want a black coffee!"
"No," said another guy, "don't be a racist, ask for coffee without milk."
"No,"quipped somebody else in the queue,"ask for coffee of colour"
Mass hysteria at this! Now that's what I call taking political correctness to a new height!!
Thursday, 04 October 2007
It's a dog's life
My mother has two Spaniels. One is a Cocker Spaniel and the other some other damn version. (as far as I am concerned, they are two brown, bad-tempered furballs).
The male has the irritating habit of greeting arrivals at the front gate with an earsplitting yowl, that does not stop until you get into the house. The bitch yaps continuously around your ankles, and finishes off with a ceremonial squatting pee next to your foot. Once she has watered you, mister will stroll over, sniff the wet patch and mark the spot.
I laughed like a drain last night.
Madam yapped, squatted and did her ceremonial pee.
Unfortunately for her, she took too long to finish her pee.
Gentleman Jim had a look at her, lifted his leg
and peed all over her back!
The male has the irritating habit of greeting arrivals at the front gate with an earsplitting yowl, that does not stop until you get into the house. The bitch yaps continuously around your ankles, and finishes off with a ceremonial squatting pee next to your foot. Once she has watered you, mister will stroll over, sniff the wet patch and mark the spot.
I laughed like a drain last night.
Madam yapped, squatted and did her ceremonial pee.
Unfortunately for her, she took too long to finish her pee.
Gentleman Jim had a look at her, lifted his leg
and peed all over her back!
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